The Difference Between Real and Counterfeit Love
Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d.
We all want love, so
many are searching for lasting relationships. On the other hand, it “seems” as if relationships are painful, difficult, hard to find. Yet
the fundamental truth is, there is no inherent problem with relationships. There
is never a scarcity of love. Love is our natural condition. What keeps us from
the love we are so hungry for? Most do not know the difference between Real and
Counterfeit Love.
Real Love is based upon the simple laws
of love, Pillars of Love. Counterfeit
Love is based upon confusion, illusion, reaction. All the pain and upset we
experience in relationships is because we are caught in the mazes of
Counterfeit Love.
Real
Love Never Hurts or Wounds. If It Does, It’s Counterfeit Love.
“A
feeling here on minute and gone the next,
Cannot be called love.”
Rumi
Counterfeit Love is the idea that
love is an emotion, excitement, infatuation or feeling of attachment. If we
feel strongly toward someone, need and miss them, we immediately assume that we
are in love. However, passing feelings do not last. And, living with
Counterfeit Love simply breaks our heart in two.
Counterfeit
Love Is
Believing That Love Is Excitement,
Infatuation or Attachment
Based Upon A Fantasy About Our Partner
Falling in Love with Our Fantasy, Not
The Real Person
Using Another As An Object to Meet Our
Needs
Mistaking Approval for Real Love
Dominating, Possessing or Controlling
Pillars Of
Love Are Based Upon Real Love.
Practice the Pillars of Love and watch
your upset and conflict naturally melt away. It Is Impossible to Be Loving and
Upset at the Same Time. See For Yourself.
Some Pillars of Love
A)
We Do
Not Have To Be Loved To Be Happy; We Have to Learn What It Means To Be Loving. Most are unhappy in
relationships because they crave to continually have their sense of self- worth
affirmed. They long for approval. But when approval is gone, the hunger for more
grips them, and anger and fear can arise.
B) True Self Worth Comes from Being Loving, Not
Loved.
The longing for approval
is an addiction. The more we get, the more we want. Approval is a form of Counterfeit
Love. Real love does not falter with changing moods. It is the essence of
who we are and the more we give of it, the more fulfilled we become.
C)
Your Partner Is Your Teacher In What
It Means To Love
D) True
Giving Is Its Own Reward. Do Not Give To Get
E) Open
Your Hands If You Want To Be Held
F) Don’t
Make A Person Into An Object to Meet Your Needs
G) Real
Conversations Dissolve Loneliness; Learn To Listen and To Hear
H) Give
Up Blame, See The Value Beauty In Everyone You Meet
Real love does not falter
with changing moods. It is the essence of who we are, and the more
we
give of it, the more fulfilled we become. It is impossible to be loving and
upset at the same time.
The article is based upon -The
Unshakeable Road to Love (Value Centered Relationships), www.totalrelationshipsnow.com
Book Summary
The
Unshakeable Road to Love (Value Centered Relationships) is based upon Eternal
Principles from all world scriptures, including Zen. These tried and true
Eternal Principles, the Pillars of Love, show how to build foundations for
relationships where happiness and well-being are inevitable. And where pain and
conflict can dissolve on the spot.
A
radically different approach to love and psychology, the book offers a
completely new perspective on fulfillment and what is truly needed to thrive.
For example, one of the Pillars of Love upon which the book is based is:
To
Be Happy, You Do Not Have To Be Loved, You Have to Learn What It Means to Be
Loving.
The
book explores the difference between Real and Counterfeit Love. We discover how
all suffering in relationships is due to being caught in the trap of
Counterfeit Love. And how easy it is to break free from bondage and leave that
trap behind.
This
is a book of practice, filled with Turning Points, Pillars of Love,
Interventions, and many enjoyable exercises so the reader can practice these
principles in all their relationships and in their everyday lives.
Written
by a psychologist, Interfaith Counselor, and long-term Zen practitioner, the
book combines the practices and principles of both East and West, helping us to
discover and celebrate the best in ourselves and others.
Publisher:
Brenda Shoshanna (October 2022)
ISBN-10:
1094378046
ISBN-13:
978-1094378046
Print
length: 208 pages
Purchase
a copy of The Unshakeable Road to Love
on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. You can also add this to your GoodReads reading list.
About the Author
Brenda
Shoshanna is an award-winning author, psychologist, Interfaith counselor, and
long-term Zen practitioner and speaker. Her work is dedicated to integrating
the teachings of East and West and making them real in our everyday lives.
Brenda has offered over five hundred talks and workshops on all aspects of
personal and spiritual development, relationships, and living an authentic,
meaningful life.
You
can find her online at:
Author
Website: http://www.brendashoshanna.com and
Book
Website: https://www.totalrelationshipsnow.com/
Her
Plays: https://www.allmyplays.com/
Her
Podcast: https://www.zenwisdomtoday.com/
Her
Blog: http://www.turnthepage.live
.”
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